Broken strings
by angelcarstairs4679
Summary: I will never forgive you. I can never forgive myself. But I want to. I miss you. (YukkiXMafuyu) (one-shot!)


**Gahh I can't believe the anime has ended! I need more of these boys in my life! This is the very first BL anime I ever watched and I have to say I love it and rock it to the core. The music, the relationships, it made me want to scream my head off and fangirl like a headless chicken.**

**If you like this fanfic, follow me on runningfromrealitytoanime on Tumblr or Archive of our Own (same name as this). Been making a lot of Given gifs.**

**I don't own the characters.**

As soon as Mafuyu opened the door, he was hit with a wave of cold and the stench of alcohol. He knew the smell very well. His father had drunk every day and abused him and his mother. He could never forget the horrible stench of vomit and the bitterness of beer wafting through the air, piercing his skin as though his father was slapping him across the face as a child.

The room was dark and he couldn't see what was beyond. Something white dangled nearby, Mafuyu's grip on the guitar tightening as he began to feel fear creeping in. The room had a odd stench to it, something he couldn't quite place. It wasn't the bright sunny room he had first made love with Yukki, or had so many of his firsts with his boyfriend. The cold to his sun, his first friend and love.

As his foot kicked against an empty beer can, Mafuyu could only turn to look up at the ceiling to the source of the smell, a familiar body clad in the blue blazer of the high school Mafuyu chose not to go to. His face was slack, eyes closed as Mafuyu stared on, his heart beating hard as his fingers closed around the strings of the guitar.

"Yukki," he whispered as blood roared through his ears.

_Yukki. Yukki. Yukki._

The only thing repeating itself in his mind was the sound of his boyfriend's name as he felt something break within him like the strings of the guitar he was holding onto so tight.

"Mafuyu-chan? Did you manage to get Yukki..." Yukki's mother called as Mafuyu tried to turn, to warn her that her son was no longer in this world.

She couldn't know. She couldn't know. Not when the reason he died was...

There was the sound of shattering glass and a scream of anguish as Yukki's mother rushed to bring her song down, cradling him like a child as she screamed his name, trying to get his heart to start again.

It was too late. Yukki must have died hours ago.

All because of him.

All because of one thing he said.

_Will you ever die for me?!_

"Yukki! Yukki!"

Over and over, Yukki's mother howled his name even as the paramedics arrived; someone must have heard the screams and called for help. Mafuyu didn't move from his position, his arms wrapped around the cold wooden surface of the guitar as he watched his boyfriend's body get carried away.

Somehow, he felt like he was still hugging Yukki, like he hadn't truly died yet.

During the funeral, he didn't say a word. He couldn't mourn for the person he killed. Not when everyone thought he was the only reason Yukki had been alive this whole time.

He didn't shed any tears as he watched him get burned, his ashes entombed in the family grave.

He didn't say a word as Yukki's mother gave her son's guitar to him, saying he would like him to have it.

He didn't say a word as he held onto the guitar, wishing he could breathe in Yukki's scent, even just for the last time. To hear his laugh. To hear his voice. To hold him. To caress him.

To love him.

He thought he had lost it all. He thought his emotions were gone for good. His world was now a world of black and white, devoid of colour and music, forever doomed to be a static world.

Until he met Uenoyama.

The first time he strummed the strings of the guitar, he fixed the strings to his broken heart. He brought colour back to his world, showed him the world Yukki loved so much that he was willing to go all out and get a guitar when he hadn't known how to play one.

As he sang on stage, he could feel his emotions washing over the guitar Yukki once held, his voice carrying all the emotions buried deep within his soul, screaming to be let out as he sang out the words he wished he could tell Yukki once more.

_You are everywhere I go. No matter where I go, you are there. Your scent, your presence, it never leaves this place._

_I will never forgive you._

_I will never forgive myself._

_But I want to._

_Because I miss you._


End file.
